Expectations and Consequences for Our Teen

Friend of mine sent this email to me;
Setting Rules /
Adolescents are very much into the "fairness" concept; that is, they respect and respond to parents, teachers, and other authority figures whom they perceive as being fair. Teenagers are less responsive to parents who they feel do not understand them and treat them in an unfair or unjust way. One of the ways to avoid being perceived as unfair and instead to present yourself to the adolescent as a fair and just person is to establish the rules and the consequences for behavior at the same time.
Most parents have a hundred rules and regulations around the house. "Come home at 7:00 P.M."  "After you use the bathroom, be sure you leave it the way you found it." "All of your homework must be done before you talk on the phone." Parents are usually good at specifying what they want or at setting rules. They state the expectation beautifully, but, unfortunately, many wait until the rule is broken before deciding what the consequence will be.One example, if a child is told to be home by 7:00 and shows up at 7:30, the parent then decides what is going to happen - whether he will be grounded for a week, or is not allowed out the next night, or is restricted from using the phone. This method of announcing the consequence after the rule is broken is viewed as unfair by youngsters and should be avoided.
When we discipline or try to enforce rules and expectations in this fashion, several things happen.
First of all, in this situation, the child does not feel responsible for what has happened to him nor does he feel in control of the consequences of his behavior. As a result, he does not develop responsibility nor does he feel that he can influence what happens to him.
Also, if we wait until the adolescent breaks the rule to decide the punishment or consequence, the teen is likely to develop anger toward the parent because he feels that the parent is responsible for the bad thing (the consequence) that has happened to him. Since many adolescents already have some underlying anger, it is not helpful to do anything that will produce more resentment.
Rules and Consequences Should Be Stated at the Same Time
In setting rules, parents should avoid stating only the expectation. It is important to spell out both the rule and the consequence at the same time and before the rule is broken.
How does one become a butterfly? ~when u want to fly So much that u r willing to give up being a caterpillar . . .
Spiritually it would be the rebirth into a better more beautiful life. The Butterfly before the transformation is usually a Caterpillar without the beauty and grace of a butterfly but is deemed if anything ugly and not appealing. It is also slow and moves in anything but a graceful manner compared to the fluttering of the butterfly...Be Guided By the Lord...